fuck you.
that is all.
kisses, pc
Zakariah’s Gauntlet
the day: thursday, october 7th, 2010. parker’s log:
on the way back from a short hike up buffalo mountain, i received a text from my friend amira asking if i was at willow springs park. it was a good assumption because i am usually there training. her and zakariah were at the park for a little afternoon playground adventure. i decided to join in. i had only recently accomplished friendship status with zakariah. the previous 2-3 years, he had held me with great suspicion, remaining reticent in my presence but, for some reason, this past month, i had won his trust. it had been a long road, and i was grateful to gain a friend.
as i arrived at willow springs on a beautiful and pristine fall day, i thought all was well. as we hung out on the playground, i thought zakariah and i were on good terms. as we walked through the park, i thought we were friends. i thought wrong. zakariah requested to return to the playground, so amira and i took a squat on the grassy hill near it. zakariah wandered assertively over to us and tried to tackle me. in effect, he accidentally knocked over my cup of water. i politely asked zakariah to refill my arby’s cup of water, and he just as politely acquiesced to my request.
with an ominous smile on his face, he collected my cup and sprinted over to the water fountain. amira and i watched him fill the cup and then slowly but steadly walk back to us. as he ascended the hill, he stopped suddenly and reached out his hand. again, an ominous smile emerged on his face, and without hesitation, he poured out my cup of water, just a few feet in front of me. subsequently, he threw the cup on the ground, and stomped on it, rejoicing in his victory. the audacity! what nerve? how ingenius!?
zakariah slapped me in the face, spit at the back of my head, and revealed the bottom of his foot in defiance. (amira laughing in the background.) the gauntlet has been thrown down, and it is on now. the next time i see him i will say, “zakariah! my name is parker creel. you poured out my water. prepare to die!”
p.s. zakariah is only four and for those of you who don’t have a sense of humor, we are still buds. i wrote this for kicks and giggles and to retell his brilliance.
Denied!
Well, if you have not heard by now, I did not get the job at JCMC. Rejected! Thanks Mountain States. Apparently, I did not rise above the threshold for retention on an initial examination administered by Human Resources. I think that means they have me figured out. I do like to travel…a lot. Guilty as charged. To be honest, I am a little disappointed, but not upset or overly frustrated. I was getting excited about the prospect of working in the emergency department with old friends. Plus, I am just ready to work. I have been unemployed for longer than I had planned and wanted. So, onto the next prospect…Wellmont?
Let’s recap briefly: yesterday, I went to the apple festival in Erwin, TN with my partner in crime, Jennifer Stakias. Long story. We had a blast. It was an absolutely gorgeous day. The sun was shining, the sky was clear, and the mountains provided the perfect backdrop to this little cultural festival. I bought some apple butter, banana nut bread, homemade fudge, and a hammock. I haven’t tried the apple butter yet, but the fudge and bread were fantastic. I am looking forward to a little hiking trip where I can test out my new hammock. I ate most of the fudge and bread last night at the Jaddu3a’s house, while we watched Drag me to Hell. I believe a few members of our party last night lost faith in my movie selection abilities. Ha, ha.
Today: grabbed lunch at Jason’s Deli. Yummy. Then, I spent the afternoon at Civitan Park watching a game I do not understand, but I did get a good practice session in afterwards. I am still pushing myself in wuji zhuang practice. I am attempting to do thirty minutes everyday. It is difficult however. I am very concerned about the postural requirements. I don’t want to be teaching myself bad habits that I will have to unlearn later. Pitfall of living in an area without a Taiji teacher. I attempted to do lao jia er lu: pao chui from the opposite direction. Not bad for a first attempt. I am starting to feel some frustration from not being apart of a class. I enjoy the freedom to practice and workout as I please, but I miss the structured class environment and the instruction of my teacher Blue. I did have a great conversation with Tami the other day. I miss everybody so much. If I can’t get a job in Tennessee, then I have considered returning to Houston for a bit.
this is where wuji exists
without wuji there is no taiji…
For the past couple of weeks, since I had arrived in Johnson City, I have frequented Willow Springs Park for Lao Jia Yi Lu practice, and therefore, re-introduced myself to sweat and low stances. Fun. During this time, I decided I needed to re-read some literature, i.e. Chen Style Taijiquan The Source of Taiji Boxing by Gaffney and Sims, in order to review and refresh myself of the theories, principles, and practices of Taijiquan. Since I no longer have a teacher (who is physically present), I therefore must be more responsible and disciplined in my gungfu. I have been working hard on the forms, ba fa, and stepping techniques, but, among other things, I have failed to routinely incorporate standing meditation into my training. Closely guarded, and in some cases, withheld from public knowledge in China, wuji zhuang, the source of accumulating and storing qi, developing the skill of fangsong, and discovering and embodying peng jing, is one of the pillars, if not the pillar, of taijiquan training. “To train Taiji one must begin at Wuji.” In order to embody “the grand extreme”, one must embody “no extreme”. Simply put, in this martial art, in order to move one must learn to be still.
Being still is an affront to our popular culture, and not just physically still, but emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually. With the advent and propagation of entertainment technology, we are simply overstimulated. It’s easy to change the channel when there is a commercial. We are able to listen to music, while we work-out, or while we read. We can chat with friends in other cities during class. Our cell phones rarely give us privacy, and constantly invade our conversations and time with others. All this comes at a cost. Like Frankenstein and his monster, we must be mindful of the effect that our creation has upon ourselves. We must not be so naive to think that all this stimulation doesn’t shape the pace of our lives. I have been mindful of these things for a while, but now these realities have new implications, especially since I am attempting to express an art that demands me to be still and quiet my mind. Not an easy thing to do, and maybe it never was, but there aren’t a lot of avenues in our culture that lead us in this direction.
This concept isn’t foreign to me, but the practice of being still, in all its capacities, has been somewhat inconsistent, especially in recent years. It took me a while to develop the habit of practicing my forms everyday since I had been out of competitive sports for a while. This will be no different, but I decided that I needed a little help. So, in order to change pace, I decided to change venues, and drove bravely into Carter County (ha, ha!) towards Stoney Creek in order to train for a few hours at Blue Hole Falls, a series of four waterfalls in Cherokee National Forest. Willow Springs is a great place to practice, but there are lots of distractions and not a lot of shade. Blue Hole is more secluded, shaded, and has the added meditative benefit of running water, hence the waterfall. For the next hour or so, I took advantage of this setting, and kicked off the very tardy committment to wuji zhuang.
There are some things in our world that help bring about silence, quiet, and stillness. One of these is being in nature. While the hustle and bustle of our lives, make us more noisy people, constantly overstimulated and distracted, it is refreshing to know (and experience) that the rush of a river, the pitter-patter of rain, the whistle of wind blowing through trees or the call of crickets are ripe with opportunity and can lead us, if we are listening, into stillness. This is why I ventured towards the Blue Hole. Without exertion or force, but with clear intention, I went to work and struggled against the busyness of my mind and body. With each breath, I was drawn into silence, and the trickling and splashing of clear mountain water beckoned to the pieces of a fragmented person to settle and be still. Without ego or pretense, the trees set before me their example, standing in stillness, stretching towards the heavens, yet reaching deep within the earth. This is a place where wuji exists.
I can’t always be in nature, but I am always training whether I realize it or not. This is where, at least for me, martial arts and life intermingle, mix and their separation blur. When am I training for Taijiquan and when am I training for life? It is so easy for all the demands of life to tug and pull, like an opponent, creating the anxiety and problems of feeling and being disconnected from the floor. While I initially needed a little help settling, and nature certainly did the trick, its also encouraging to know that stillness, and therefore, root, is only a few conscious breaths away.
Status Update
Well, I finally escaped from Illinois, and I am now in Tennessee again. I had a wonderful time hanging out with family and friends back in the Vern. I got to see and reconnect with some old high school friends, Leslie and Aalok, and it was nice to spend a little time with Lisa and Hunter. We went on a few adventures, i.e. Meramec Caverns, rafting, hiking at Garden of the Gods. I finally attended a Cardinals’ game in the new stadium (very nice), and I, for the first time, sat down with Lady Luck in a game of black jack. Hunter and I walked away with 255 dollars. Not bad. Not bad at all.
Then, I decided that my time was up in Illinois and moved on to Indianapolis to meet the one and only Adam Bisesi and a friend that had ventured to Palestine with me in 2006. What can I say? What a memorable weekend? Ha, ha. Adam Bisesi was in true form. I had forgotten how funny he is. It was a delight to see Sarah again. Good times. To sum up the weekend: great food, sand volleyball, shady dance club (ah Peppers…), meeting new friends, giant wolf sightings (I will never let this down), socially awkward waiters, dinner trivia, and great discussions.
So, I sadly departed Indianapolis, and headed south via I-65 towards Frankfort, KY to spend the day with my grandpa. Our visit was rather uneventful as usual, but very nice to spend some time with him. I don’t get to see him as much as well.
The next morning, after breakfast, I departed Frankfort, and drove until I saw those green mountains rise on the horizon. Johnson City, TN. I have returned yet again. It has been an eventful week so far. When I arrived, everyone was still working, so I headed to Willow Springs Park to do some taijiquan. Willow Springs is very different than Crane Park in Houston. I love practicing outdoors with the sun and blue sky overhead and the mountains in the background. Then, I met up with RJ and Ben Lee at Starbucks for a little chat, and where Deb joined us after a while. Later that evening, I celebrated Eid with Yasmin and Amira. Always wonderful to see them. I missed them dearly.
On Friday, I got stood up for lunch, old habits, but spent around 3 1/2 hours doing taijiquan at Willow Springs. Then, I met up with Deb for a chat at Panera and then saw my old partner in crime Jennifer. Long story. Later that night, I joined RJ and his friends for a night at Newbies. Hilarious! One never leaves without good comedic material. The next morning, I woke up rather early (how, I still don’t know) to attend the Dragon Boat Races. I love these things, but I hadn’t been able to do it since 2008. I was just there to watch, but my friend’s team needed an extra, so I was able to race. It was a miserable, but fun day. It rained and rained and rained. We were soaked, but the races are so much fun. Sadly, we did not win. Afterwards, I got cleaned up, then headed to Cootie Browns for a little dinner with Andrew. Ah…how I missed Cootie’s?
Sunday morning. Do I dread this time of the day? Surprisingly, I woke up and attended St. John’s. I believe that is the first time I have been to Sunday morning service in a very long time. When you work night shift, it is extremely difficult to sit through church. Afterwards, I went to Deb to help the princess move a few things. Her new house is going to be amazing. Then, headed to the park once again to do my kung fu. I enjoy practicing alone, but I really miss my taiji family in Houston. One day I will return. Until then, I will keep working hard.
Monday and Tuesday were rather eventful. Taijiquan was included of course. RJ, Bryant and I watched the Godfather. Spent yesterday afternoon with Yasmin, Amira and their mother. Then, caught the later half of Adoration. I am slowly catching up with everyone. Also, I applied for a job at JCMC and I am waiting to hear back from them. So, if I get it, I will get a little stability for a while. If not, back on the road.
